the randomness that is CHamPiOn

finally here. no longer listening to my thoughts. finally understanding them. loving life - and everything in it. bubble gum = the best thing since bottled water. lip gloss = the only thing that hasn't let me down. addicted to pink. any-and every-thing pink. encourage you to step into my world. if only for one night. "all hope abandon, ye who enter here." my food can't touch if it is of different color schemes. i cannot cook to save my life. for some reason, i always find someone willing to do it for me. "guess i got a honest face." on the school bus in third grade, my friends and i would go under the seats and touch one another in places we had no business. i will randomly ignore people - even close friends - for no reason. then i come back around. swim (and drink) like a fish. on the other side of the game. once idolized celebrities. looked at my ancestors and wondered what made these "stars" so special. at one time, adored relationships. looked at the people i was with and wondered what made those people so important. finally here. living in the now. living in my gift, which is the present. no longer expecting anything from anyone. people only disappoint. visited the arboretum and wondered why there wasn't a holiday set aside for people to do so. graduated magna cum laude from howard university. have never been to a homecoming event. not my scene. don't like getting my hair washed. who does? finally finished a book that has perplexed me for the past month. really feel like i did something. wonder why people can be so phony. but i guess i can be, too. wonder why people can be so insensitive. but i guess i can be, too. wonder why people love so hard, so much, so fast. but i guess i did, too...

.another again.

Big ass kid. Sleep like a baby. I wish french fries were on every menu, in every restaurant. I wish African-American students would lose the slave mentality. I wish they wouldn’t rush to sit in the back of the bus—or the back of the classroom. I want the Vietnamese people to offer me a mask when I sit down to get my nails done. There should be less liquor stores and more libraries. I need a room full of books. No, a house full of literature. There needs to be more fathers and less “baby daddy’s.” people need to have less sex and make more love. I need a maid. I dream of having dinner with Whitman, Morrison, Eliot, Hawthorne, and Hughes—being inspired by their energy, and nothing more. Still dream in black and white. Slow dance with my imagination. See endless possibilities in the ink pen. Love too hard. Too fast. Too much. Too little. Never enough. Afraid of the dark. Often times, afraid of the light. Mild-mannered. Hot-tempered. Happiness lies in the contours of…that face, that voice, that scent. Internal struggles. External predicaments. Know what I want. Losing focus. Wish I could live my life in alphabetical order. All the bad would be behind me. Proud of who I am. Wonder why no one else accepts my choices. Wish upon stars. Powerful. Orator—only in my bedroom mirror. Ordinary. Wish I could teach to the child and not to the test. Wish I didn’t have to sign in at work. Dream of becoming great. Content with being who I am. Although she wasn’t…….

blah.

biggest kid u'll ever meet. always texting. still jump on the bed. detest when people utilize the (non) word 'conversate.' need a vacation. all the time. can quote the "good times" episode, of your choosing, on sight. believer. english major. can't you tell? i relish in the happiness of others. resemble my mother. mimeograph my father's mistakes. avaricious like my grandfather. especially at the dinner table. imbibe like my grandmother. catechize like my sister. reprimand like my brother. cogitate like no one you've ever met. or will ever meet. think in fragments. dream in black and white. dance off beat. sing off key. write outside the margins. think outside the box. read beyond the book. love beyond the heart. adore beyond the mind. ardor beyond the soul. hate fire drills. and skirts. and dresses. food can't touch if it's different color schemes. love cleaning. don't know how to mop. love eating. don't know how to cook. organizer. adore school. and learning. and school supplies. always late. many secrets. think like a man. won't give myself up to anyone. won't give up on myself for anyone. giver. rarely say exactly what i'm thinking. heart-breaker. heart-broken. dream chaser. lover of words. won't use ten when three will do. female version of michael phelps. still deviate from the norm like a fish out of water. don't like hearing myself talk. love hearing myself think. could spend hours-days-weeks-months-years...at the national arboretum. life looks different when viewed among the elements. champion. i believe it. misconstrued often. was never part of the "in crowd" in school. too anomalous. distant. love rainy days. always in an awkward situation. wonderer. wanderer. writer. righter. just in my feelings. erratic in my decisions. loose canon. happily flawed. love my space. not the website. waiting on the world to change. aim to please. lover. don't know how to swallow pills. in search of answers. real ones. dreams are big. fantasies are prodigious. skittish. demure. chary. flat feet. no arch.

only the one atop the doorway of my mind...

entrez, si u peut le manipuler...

ran.dom.

i read books like my life depends on it. i once dreamed of becoming an olympic swimmer. i cannot cook to save my life. i despise arrogance. i deal with slow children allll day. and i don't teach special education. my students believe that being "fly" supersedes being intelligent. i am saddened by how people have digressed. including myself. i don't live life by the book. do not try to put me into a box. i will only disappoint. again. my existence is centered around french fries. les femmes déçoivent seulement. i loved someone. once. it was not reciprocated. who do i have to be? i am genuinely excited about learning. i rarely turn on my television. i don't like to stand out in crowds. make many mistakes. make the same ones over and over. i don't understand the big deal about corona. i do, however, love remy like my first born. i chew bubble gum like a four year old child newly introduced to the concept. large crowds make my stomach hurt. won't do it unless i like it. won't eat mint chocolate chip ice cream unless it's green.won't attend a club unless the word "strip" tactfully precedes it. incurable case of road rage. it is only superseded by my incurable case of ocd. reserved. je porte un masque. i like fading into the background. unimpressed. sweet. curious. totally different. i fantasize early and often. rêve en poésie et prose. twenty six years on earth. still deathly afraid of the dark. still searching for something. wish i could meet katrina. i'd ask her why she rained on my people. wish i could meet HIM. i'd apologize for failing to visit his house weekly. rêveur. wish i could meet the one who occupies my dreams. i'd tell......everything.

n.a.nutshell.

i am not perfect. my hair is always out of place. i despise bad grammar. i love my sister to death. i once swam for nine hours--straight. prefer dasani to liquor. still learning life's lessons. don't believe in love. don't believe in marriage. believe in magic. can't sleep late. introvert. hate working. love my job. love affair with words. clothing talks more than i. it often says "don't judge me." relaxed. prefer peace to disharmony. ocd. took six years of french in school and refuse to let it go to waste. adore all things pink. souhait sur etoiles. dream in black and white. prefer a good book to a good show. you embody qualities i wish i possessed. i eat religiously. i would never tell you my business. even if you paid me. i love words. i am a walking, talking, sleeping, breathing, living, eating, contradiction. howard university bred. magna. cum. laude. pretty. damn. smart. i value education over all else. misunderstood. i wish i knew how to dance. afraid of commitment. all women are beautiful. including you. i could probably teach you some things. at peace. obama supporter. tranquillite. no one can keep my attention. not even you. i'm not satisfied. i am never satisfied. perfect. imperfection.