Grrrr...

boredom has turned itself on, like the fire that burned--incessantly--from the fake fireplace of the house i recently toured. i can't afford it. just like i can't afford this. the television stopped stimulating me when i was five. you stopped stimulating me even before then (to say the least, the presence of outside people-and their accompanying thoughts-has always been risible). i've always been left to my own devices: books, bubble gum, lip gloss. i spend time educating. and being educated. dependency scares me. i stand in front of a class and instruct them about things that won't matter later on. then, i face criticism for teaching them how to think. (i'm supposed to tell them what to think.) i leave the inferno (i must abandon the 8,000 hopes i once had before i enter) to sit in front of an instructor who is avidly helping me. to. add. one. more. sheet. of. paper. to. my. repertoire. i don't listen. turnabout is fair play. i do not want to introduce myself to anyone. i'd prefer not to talk to you--or anyone else, for that matter. i love that you hate me. i love that you spend your time saying "not so nice things" about me...while i spend my time trying to remind myself that you exist. so i'm not poetic. but i can write you under the table. music is my homeboy. live music. i have finally learned the rules of the game. and i intend to play better than anyone else. that wasn't mine. but it was a really sexy fragment...

the randomness that is CHamPiOn

finally here. no longer listening to my thoughts. finally understanding them. loving life - and everything in it. bubble gum = the best thing since bottled water. lip gloss = the only thing that hasn't let me down. addicted to pink. any-and every-thing pink. encourage you to step into my world. if only for one night. "all hope abandon, ye who enter here." my food can't touch if it is of different color schemes. i cannot cook to save my life. for some reason, i always find someone willing to do it for me. "guess i got a honest face." on the school bus in third grade, my friends and i would go under the seats and touch one another in places we had no business. i will randomly ignore people - even close friends - for no reason. then i come back around. swim (and drink) like a fish. on the other side of the game. once idolized celebrities. looked at my ancestors and wondered what made these "stars" so special. at one time, adored relationships. looked at the people i was with and wondered what made those people so important. finally here. living in the now. living in my gift, which is the present. no longer expecting anything from anyone. people only disappoint. visited the arboretum and wondered why there wasn't a holiday set aside for people to do so. graduated magna cum laude from howard university. have never been to a homecoming event. not my scene. don't like getting my hair washed. who does? finally finished a book that has perplexed me for the past month. really feel like i did something. wonder why people can be so phony. but i guess i can be, too. wonder why people can be so insensitive. but i guess i can be, too. wonder why people love so hard, so much, so fast. but i guess i did, too...